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[21 Nov 2004|10:55pm] |
today is my birthday. i'm now 18 years old. which means that i'm legal :).
haha, today was a great day. i got the best gift in the world.
the logitech Z-5300 5.1 surround sound speakers. they have 280 RMS watts and a 560 watt peak power handling. they're loud. they're for my computer, but i can hook them up to my dvd player too.
i love them.
i love jordan-ashley baker too. she's the best girlfriend in the world. as a matter of fact, i love her more than my speakers :). i'm a very very lucky man.
but anyway, my life right now is great.
goodnight.
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[09 Nov 2004|10:17pm] |
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dear fellow livejournalers.
it seems to me that all i ever do is come on here and complain about my life. some say that it's really not that bad, and it may not be, but happiness is hard to find. i come today, feeling quite depressed. maybe my lack of self-esteem or my small case of depression contributes to these feelings, but either way, i'm not happy.
i'm sure that most of you western alamance high school students are aware of the miss western pageant. of course, my girlfriend, jordan-ashley baker, is one of the twenty odd number of contestants. now, you're probably thinking to yourselves, "what's so bad about that?" well, nothing. except for the fact that, again, she's one of the best out there, if not the best. after singing at practice yesterday, she left people in awe. today at school, her amazing voice and the fact that she'll probably win was all that i heard about. again, i'm sure you're not seeing a problem. but i do.
for almost three years she and i have dated, and in those three years i have never seen her do bad at anything. people always tell me how pretty she is, and how smart she is, and how she's going to go to a great college, and how she's going to do so well in life, and how much talent she has, and on and on and on. so great, i have a great girlfriend. i'm a lucky guy.
but am i too lucky? after doing much thinking, i believe i am. the girl is far too good for me. i don't understand why she would like me so much, to be honest with you. i'm an ass to her all the time and i put her through so much shit. why would she put up with it? she's the perfect person and i'll never compare to her. i'll never be the type of guy that she needs, because that's not who i am. she's the kind of girl who will win at everything she does, and be better than everyone who tries to compete with her, and she needs a guy just as good as her to be happy. i'm not that guy. i'm a lower-middle-class-white guy with no chance at success in life. if we were ever to stay together, she would be so unhappy with me because of my failures. all of my life i've failed at everything i've done, and i'll never change.
i want nothing more than to be the person that she needs, but i don't ever see that happening.
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[07 Nov 2004|11:09pm] |
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i think i'm happy again. certain things aren't bothering me like they used to, and i'm happy with the way other things are going.
i'm happy now knowing that band season, for the most part, is over. no more stupid afterschool practices. i like having free time to do whatever i want. and maybe i'll get a job. well, a job that'll allow me to work more than fridays and saturdays. but i'm okay if i don't have to.
i'll be 18 in two weeks. i find that to be rather exciting, even though i'm closer to death. death is cool though, it's a natural thing. i want to have a neat death. like, it would be cool to be blown up or something. people would remember me for it. but don't try to go and blow me up, i don't want to die right now.
so anyway, i'm trying to teach myself how to play the guitar. but i'm not very good at teaching myself something that i don't know how to do.
i don't understand the hype over halo. that game is dumb to me. maybe it's just the fact that i don't really like video games, but i would take any racing game/sports game/real war game over halo. halo is dumb. but that's all i have to say.
thank you for reading.
goodnight.
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[03 Nov 2004|07:50pm] |
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story of the year - sidewalks |
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life is so hard for me right now. i don't understand what's been wrong with me lately, but it feels like everything is slowly slipping away. school is too stressful. it doesn't seem like it's gotten any harder, but i feel like i've gotten dumber. i don't pay very much attention in class anymore and i always feel really far behind. i just can't concentrate on school like i used to be able to. too much other stuff is going on. band is almost over, which is good. i'm tired of it and i'm ready for it to be done. i'm ready to get out of high school too. i can't stand it anymore. people are such jackasses and are so immature. i'm ready to be in a place where people aren't as stupid.
i feel like i'm missing something in my life. i feel like i need something that will allow me to have fun. i need fun. my life is always the same, and i'm tired of it. i want something new and enjoyable that'll help me get my mind off of stress, but i can't find it. i've come close, actually, i've come really close. i had something that took my mind off of everything. but then something happened, and i can't have it like i did anymore. but life goes on, i guess.
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| my life. |
[02 Nov 2004|11:12pm] |
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living life is the most difficult challenge you'll ever be faced with. to help you through it, you get close to people; form relationships, make friends, and sometimes even have a boyfriend/girlfriend to help you get along. some people have relationships just to have a good time, and are able to rely on themselves to get through. but others, such as myself, live for their friends and family. if it wasn't for them, they would never be the person that they are, and they would never be able to make it in this cruel world.
what bothers me about relationships, is that you can't get close to someone without someone else getting upset. in a perfect world, you would be able to have as many friends as you want, as close as you want them to be, without people questioning the relationship. but this world is far from perfect. if you have a girlfriend, and you become close to another girl, you're causing two different problems. first, the girlfriend gets upset. she doesn't want you to be close to another girl in fear of losing you, and she doesn't like the fact that you're not spending all of your time talking to just her. now, it also causes a problem with them girl that you're close to. she gets involved, spending time with you, and eventually gets attracted. now, this doesn't seem bad, because you're not doing anything with her, but it still is. it's a problem because you upset her. she gets to where she feels like you're supposed to be her boyfriend because she's spent so much time with you. this doesn't make sense to me either. what's so bad about being a close friend, and what makes a friend different than a girlfriend?
i've done a lot of thinking on this subject, and in my opinion, the only differece is the sexual aspect of a relationship. it's obviously wrong to kiss another girl when you have a girlfriend, which is quite understandable. but i don't see what's so different in the conversations that you have or the way that you act around them. i feel like a great friend is someone that i can be open and honest with, share my feelings with, and just be myself around. a girlfriend is the same thing. i think it's wrong of a person to expect someone else to be fully committed emotionally to them, and having nothing to do with anyone else. it's selfish. how can a person be completely happy having a relationship with just one person? one single person can only have so many qualities, so you look to another to find different qualities that the other doesn't have. it just makes sense to me. but i guess i'm wrong.
i'm sorry to anyone that i've ever hurt because of my views on relationships. i guess i should start thinking more about the other person's feelings rather than my own. if everyone else is happy, then i guess it's okay if i'm not. i'm sorry that i'm a selfish person that does only what i want, while disregarding other's feelings.
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| hey. |
[23 Aug 2004|12:26am] |
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let it out::hoobastank |
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hey. the weekend is over, but it was good. i went to VA yesterday for my grandmother's birthday, and that was fun. JA went with us. my uncle Brian is cool. he listens to cool music and drives fast. friday night was awesome as well. but today i had a great conversation with a certain someone that really makes my life better. i think i can be happy now. hopefully.
you all have a good night.
school tomorrow.
stupid stuff.
-arick.
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[18 Aug 2004|01:14am] |
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none at all. |
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that's neat.
but hey.
things are better.
they probably won't be better for long, but they are for now.
goodnight.
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| happy? no. |
[17 Aug 2004|09:30pm] |
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drained |
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pride::seether. |
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today was bad.
well, not bad all day long.
it was okay.
school is neat, because it's my last year.
but life is difficult.
yeah, i stole this from amie.
fill it out if you love me.
1. Whats my name?
2. Do you know me?
3. Do you think im pretty/hot?
4. How did we meet?
5. Do you have a crush on me?
6. Have you ever had a crush on me?
7. Are we good friends?
8. Have you ever flirted with me?
9. what do you like best about me?
10. What do you not like about me?
11. What "label" would you put me under?
12. How long have we known each other?
13. Do you trust me?
14. Is there anything you've wanted to tell me but couldn't?
15. Will you put this is your live journal so you can see what i think of you?
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[17 Aug 2004|11:40am] |
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mrs. parker. |
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im in computer apps. and its really. boring. maybe i complain too much.
i need something to do.
maybe ill make another obsessions list.
obsessions version 2.0
making fun of ricky.
polka dotted shoes
twix icecream
pancakes at 4pm
willowbrook park
john & ians political disscussions
coffeeeee.
johns birthmark that disapears
making pocketbooks
ribbon
wasting time in computer apps.
my broken watch
sharpies
parking lot statistics
doing journal layouts
it dies today
mix cds [not tapes]
coloring books
</end>
they play elevator music in grocery stores.
& arick, you better rememeber to take me to get my film developed tommorow. & coffee. ♥ mmmm coffee.
♥♥-- amie
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| urgh. |
[16 Aug 2004|10:51pm] |
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depressed |
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prosthetics::slipknot. |
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life is stupid.
relationships are difficult.
i need something to make me happy.
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| new journal? yes. |
[16 Aug 2004|10:08pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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dave matthews band::say goodbye. |
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neat. amie made me a cool layout. add me or you'll die. please. i love you.
arick.
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[15 Aug 2004|08:42pm] |
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cynical |
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everytime i die |
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i made arick a new livejournal. that i will update occassionally. add him or die. k thanks
♥ amie
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